Bands that Suck

It's common knowledge that the movie industry has been flushed down the shitter, and only the residue of Hollywood still clings to the side of the bowl, but, until recently, I thought the music industry (other than rap) was still moderately intact, but I was wrong. Most bands today suck as well. Everyone already knows why rap and gangstas suck (I've ranted about it everywhere) so I won't even adress those issues. Everything else, however, needs to be said. Here is a list of bands that suck.

Cradle of Filth - Black Metal
Okay, so really, they're sometimes bearable, they've got some talent in the instrumental, so they don't suck terribly. The singer though . . . not so much. He sounds like he's deep throating the microphone . . . and he's not happy about it. His singing is mainly choking on the microphone and screaming, only good if it's played really loud, and used as background noise. These guys are probably the best band on this list, it's only the singer I really had to mention.

Unearth - Black Metal (sort of)
If you couldn't tell already, black metal is not meant to be played by Americans. The Europeans dominate it (that's not to say that there aren't any good American black metal bands, I'm just saying generally, the European ones are better). I saw these guys live when they opened for Slayer, all I can say is "yawn". Okay, I can say a whole lot more, and I will. The only words I heard from the singer's mouth were: kill, death, fuck, shit. The songs were all mishmashes of weird noises that sounded like a drunk trying to talk (but they were really loud, and screaming) with the words in the list above mixed in randomly. There was only one full sentance I heard (actually, it was the only occurrence of two intelligible words together too) was: "this next song is called . . . CRYSTAL SHIT!! ARRRHGHGHGHGHGHGHSSSHHHHHHHCCHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Okay, so due to the exclamation point, that's two sentances. But due to the screaming not being a verb, it's still only one sentance, but with emphasis on a word halfway through. Seriously though, I expected him to start foaming at the mouth any second. All their songs sounded the same, too. Still, when played loudly, it could be used as background noise at a party or whatever, it didn't suck hard enough to be unbearable to hear, and live, they played it loudly enough to be plenty entertaining.

My Chemical Romance - Emo (AKA Dumbass)
Okay, well since there are so many emo bands that suck, I'll just talk about emo in general sucking. I'm not going to say anything about the people (I'm not saying they're not pussies and dumbasses, but I've already ranted about them on a lot of pages, and will rant about them in the future, you know how much they suck, I don't have to say it again, after this: they suck).

Emo music is for pussies, period. It's whiny vocals, about their "feelings" and about how they're bleeding inside, so they cut themself (I assume it's for symmetry, they're probably OCD on top of being pussies). They bitch and moan about how their parents are mean (that's usually the "punk emo" - they're rebellious too!) or about how their girlfriend (or boyfriend - I wouldn't put it past a lot of the guys in emo bands) broke up with them, and how much it hurts for them to be apart - they can't just move on like a normal person, their first love is always "the one" and if they lose that, their life is over, so they may as well slit their wrists. Good riddance.

Back