The Different Breeds of Morons

This is a list, and description of the different types of idiots. You probably know many of these, and if you do, I encourage you to punch them.

Emos
I'll be brief on this one, since so many people rant about these dumbasses. If you don't know what an emo is, consider yourself lucky. Basically, they wallow in self pity, and pretend they have a shitty life. Usually they have a comfortable life with non-abusive parents, and they have a roof over their head, yet they'll still say their parents suck and are mean, and all their teachers hate them, etc. As soon as something good happens to these people, they'll try to find a bad side of it, just so they can continue to bitch. Also a rule, if you can tell whether it's a guy or a girl, they're not emo, you never know what gender an emo is.

Goths
Goths are like emos, except along with hating themselves, they hate the world. These people are basically just uglier emos, but less lame, but only slightly.

Gangstas
What the fuck is wrong with these people? They wear their pants around their knees, and wear shirts that are practically dresses so nobody sees their underwear (assuming they're wearing it, I've seen gangstas wearing huge, nearly transparent basketball jerseys and no underwear . . . it wasn't a pretty sight, so I bashed his skull in with a marble ashtray, flayed him, and now he's a lamp shade). But back on topic, gangstas idolize stupid assholes like 50 Cent, Eminem, etc. Like emos, they'll pretend they have it really tough, but won't bitch about it, they'll just . . . well, I've yet to understand why they pretend they live in a ghetto.

Most gangstas are white, or, in the case of my school, Muslim. 90% of my school is Muslim, 90% of them think they're black gangstas. 9% of my school is white, and 90% of them think they're black gangstas. 1% of my school is black, and 90% of them act normal, not like gangstas.

White gangstas wouldn't piss me off so much if they just acted like white gangstas, but instead, they act black. You know that today's youth is fucked up when you see a white kid and a Muslim kid walk up to eachother, and have a conversation like this (G1=Gangsta 1, G2=Gangsta 2):

G1: Yo nigga, sup?
G2: Not much bro, sho' (still not sure what "sho" means, I need an English-Gangsta dictionary)
G1: I gots to go, nigga
G2: Stay black, sho'

That is a real conversation (I use the term loosely here) that I've seen. These people wouldn't piss me off as much if they would act like gangsters instead of gangstas. At least gangsters are badass, gangstas are just fucking idiots.

Preppys
These are usually girls, they're the dumb bitches who think that if your outfit costs less than $200, you're stupid and lame. They're usually trend whores too (they buy into whatever's cool, then as soon as it's uncool, they ditch it and deny that they ever liked it). They're almost always jobless, and will beg their parents into spending $100 on a pair of shoes that they'll only wear once. They always wear brand name clothes, but instead of just wearing them, they'll make sure everyone knows they're wearing them. It's very common for these people to say you're "gross" just because your outfit was the first things you grabbed from your closet (or, in my case a lot of the time, floor) and doesn't match perfectly. Preppys are very insecure, so they usually travel in packs, and move very slow. They're the kinds of people who make those lines across the halls or sidewalk, and move so slow, and so dense, that you can't pass.

Delusional Fat People
First off, I've got nothing against fat people, so don't bitch at me for that. I just hate it when they think they're 100 pounds. They're usually preppys as well, and will often be seen in clothes many sizes too small. An example of a Delusional Fat Person, is a girl who was in my class a couple years back. Here's a basic description of her:

She weighed about 190-220 pounds, and was about 4 1/2 feet tall (I'm not joking, she was FAT). She would wear miniskirts that barely covered her ass, and it wasn't uncommon to see a bit of ass once in a while (except it was a really fat ass, so it was gross). She would commonly wear either high heels that didn't fit her whole foot (and she'd have ankle fat spilling over the sides) or hooker boots that made her look like a fat hooker. She would commonly wear tube tops without a bra, and think she looked sexy. Her tits were probably about a D cup, but only 10% of the boob was actual boob, and the other 90% was just flab that hung down, so her tits went out a few inches, then just sagged down. Delusional Fat People are usually trend whores, and this girl was one of the biggest (no pun inteded) I've seen. As soon as a new trend emerged, she'd get her rich aunt and uncle to spend about $500 on new clothes and accessories that fit said trend.

Sadly, that girl was not the only Delusional Fat Person I've seen. Since then, I've seen them on busses, walking awkwardly down the street, and at my school. I hate them, and they're so greasy they don't even make good lamp shades. Delusional Fat People are rarely guys, since guys already don't care if they fit the latest trends and whatnot, so fat guys just dress normally, then it's just gross because they're so fat (although guys wear less revealing clothes, so their mark for "grossly fat" is about 100 pounds higher than that for women), not because they're wearing skimpy clothes.

Posers
Posers usually try to fit into one of the categories above (except delusional fat people-nobody wants to be them) and fail at it. They can usually be found hanging out on the edges of these groups, trying to fit in, but just trying way too hard, and nobody likes them. As with all morons, I wouldn't hate these people so much if they would shut the fuck up, but these ones are some of the loudest of all, because they think they have to get noticed to fit in. There's not much more that can be said about them, they taste like shit, and are too small and wimpy to be used for anything else.

The Net-Speaker
OMGLOL I HATE THESE PPL! THEY R SOOOO DUM! Seriously though, these idiots will use netspeak terms such as lol, omg, rofl, lmao, bffl, etc, in regular conversation. If they think something's funny, they'll say "omg, lol that's awesome!" rather than just laughing. Why they do it, I have yet to try to figure out, I really don't want to know. They're everywhere though, and chances are you know one, or are one.

The Mis-Quoter
The Mis-Quoter will often try to quote things, such as facts, or even comedians or TV shows, but they'll do it out of context and incorrectly. A great example of this, would be a kid from the same class as the Delusional Fat Girl. Here's an example of one of his misquotings (Misquoter=MQ):

(MQ gets a touchdown in a stupid touch football game against some dumbass)
MQ: Omg (and he pronounced it "Oh em jee", not just "Ohmg"), I just polished your pole (not a quote yet, but misuse of Maddox's term "pole polishing" which he used in the Four Things That Could've Improved The Matrix Reloaded because he thought "pole polishing" was a synonym for ass kicking, fix one's wagon, etc. Don't know why he thought blow job meant that, possibly because of the blow. He was a dumbass)!

Me: What the fuck did you just say?

MQ: Omg (pronounced the same way), dumbass, I said I just polished his pole!

Me: What the fuck?

MQ: I polished his pole, I gave him a blowjob!

Everyone who doesn't suck: (laughing hysterically)

MQ: What the fuck is wrong with you guys?

Me: You just said you gave him a fucking blowjob, and you don't expect us to laugh?

MQ: Blowjob means to kick someone's ass, retard! God, you don't even know what it means!

Me: Who the fuck told you it meant to kick someone's ass?

MQ: Maddox used it! He said Matrix Reloaded needed a blowjob, which means it needed an ass kicking, because blow, hit, get it? Retard.

Me: I hate to burst your bubble, but that's NOT what blowjob means, that's not even what Maddox said.

MQ: Uh, yeah it is, the quote went: "it needed a blowjob, just a quick pole polishing" and that's the quote, I'm not dumb, but you are.

Me: Dude, again, horrible misquoting, and blowjob means something COMPLETELY different!

MQ: Fine, ass . . . nuts (yes, he actually called me assnuts) what does blowjob mean?

Me: It means to put your head between your legs and have someone lick your ass (motion to others to not tell him that that's a completely different thing).

MQ: Oh yeah, I forgot, I was thinking of something else. I knew that though, I just forgot.

Me: I lied, that's a rimjob, fuckin' tool.

MQ: I've heard blowjob used like that!

Me: No, you're just a stupid fucking tool.

MQ: Fuck you (walks off)!

Pretty sad that that's a true story, isn't it? Man, I hate those people.

The Conspiracy Theorist
This type of moron thinks everything is a conspiracy. They think that 9/11 was caused by the US government, they think that the moon landing was faked, they think that they're a fuckin' genius and everyone else is closed minded. I hate them so much. It's fun to make them insane by informing them that Carbon has 6 protons, 6 neutrons and 6 electrons (666) and that we're all Carbon based. I've made people crazy by telling them that, and they thought it was proof that humans are evil. That's the only thing Conspiracy Theorists are good for.

The Average Moron
The final, and most common, type of moron, is your average dumbass. These people compose about 99% of the population of most areas, and will commonly be seen, and heard, asking stupid questions, or other such bullshit. They won't just ask stupid questions though, they'll ask completely irrelavent questions, and ones that were just answered. They usually fit into one or more of the categories above.

And those are the different breeds of morons. Chances are you know a ton of them, your friends probably fit into the categories, you probably do too. Now, in the interest of keeping my blood pressure at a minimum, I have to stop now.

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